Grocery Store
by coffeeplease
Summary: Future fic series. NEW CHAPTER. This one's further in the future than the others.
1. Grocery Store

"Donnatella Moss!"

Today is just not a good day, Donna thought, exhaling loudly through her teeth. The coffee maker had been timed to PM, not AM, this morning. Josh had thrown a mild temper tantrum. And Josh was leaving that night to go out of town for two days, a situation making neither of them happy. She cut herself badly in the shower shaving her legs. The line at the post office had taken an hour. And now she was at the supermarket, the supermarket that was out of everything she needed to make spaghetti tonight.

And the two-year old in the child's seat wouldn't stop squirming, had chocolate frosting all over his face from a donut and was well on the way to throwing a mild temper tantrum himself.

Amy Gardner was calling her name.

"I can play this one of two ways," Donna thought to herself as she wiped Noah's cheeks and mouth down with a baby wipe. "I can be extremely sweet or I can be a total bitch. I can not mention that I'm married to Josh or I can point out that I'm the mother of his child. This can go one of two ways. My God, this is going to be horrible..."

"Amy, hi!" Donna smiled as Amy came up to the cart. She was holding a basket with green olives and herbal tea in it and nothing else. Quite the switch from Donna's cart full of Yoo-Hoo, Fruit Loops, hamburger and Pampers. She had to get Josh on the potty training soon.

"Mama, stop!" Noah exclaimed, batting away the wipe and looking tearful.

Amy looked slightly startled, but only for a second. "How's it going?"

"Good, good. Just... shopping for groceries."

Amy started to say something and then stopped. Gesturing with her hand, she started again. "I'm sorry... is it Donna Lyman now?"

Donna could tell that Amy wasn't trying to be rude. Her eyes looked sincere and she was smiling. Not smiling like a cat eyeing a canary, but genuinely smiling. Still, Donna felt nothing if not extremely uncomfortable. "It depends, um, on the situation. It's Moss at work, but it's Lyman at daycare and, you know, everywhere else, I guess." As if to make a further point, Donna fiddled with her wedding ring.

"I see." Amy's voice became more determined. "I guess you want an identity separate from Josh at work."

"Josh!" Noah exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "See Daddy, see Daddy!"

"Oh, jeez," Donna smiled at Amy and Amy looked back at her with a surprising amount of amusement. "Ever since he learned that Josh means Daddy... he goes bonkers when he hears Josh's name. Thinks we're going to go see him."

"How old is he?"

"He just turned two." Noah was craning his head around, looking for Josh. Back and forth, his little head went, searching. He crinkled up his forehead like his father, then pouted like his mother and then proceeded to scream at the top of his little lungs.

If a piano could just fall out of the sky and land on her head, Donna thought, the day would be perfect. She turned her attention to her son, while most of the shoppers turned their attention to her. "Shh, shh, Noah. We'll see Daddy when we get home."

"I'm sorry, Donna," Amy looked genuinely sorry. Also looked like she'd rather have hot pokers through her toes then be standing next to Donna at the moment.

"It's okay. He's cranky." Donna lifted him from the cart and enfolded him in her arms. He quieted down quickly. "He had to skip his nap today because the line at the post office was so long and this morning Josh took him to the pediatrician and Noah hates doctors..." Donna didn't know if she should go on or not. Non-parents sometimes didn't want details, especially non-parents who were also ex-girlfriends. But, now that Noah was quiet and sucking his thumb at her neck, Amy seemed interested.

"Mrs. Bartlet told me that Josh took almost a year off when he was born," Amy reached her hand towards Noah, as if to pet him.

"He did. It was strange when he suggested it, I actually checked his temperature," Donna laughed and Amy laughed with her.

"It certainly doesn't sound like Josh Lyman," Amy's hand made contact with Noah's back and she stroked softly. Noah didn't seem to even notice. Donna knew he was past exhausted.

Noah's baby drool was dripping from his thumb onto her neck. Two weeks ago, she had found Josh at the computer at 4 in the morning, researching "Thumb sucking and it's effects." They wanted to ween him off, but at the same time, since it stopped so many tantrums...

"You know, he said something really sweet to me right after Noah was born," Donna said. She adjusted Noah slightly. "He said that I had done all the work for nine months and now it was his turn." Donna found herself blushing. "He did other things with that time besides care for an infant. He worked on his memoirs."

"Now that totally doesn't sound like Josh Lyman," Amy laughed, removing her hand from the baby's back.

"No, I guess not." Donna didn't really want to share with Amy, or anyone else, the memories of those last few months of pregnancy and first few months with Noah. It was something, unlike anything else, that was private between her and Josh. And maybe Josh Lyman being a stay-at-home Dad didn't make sense to Amy or even C.J. or Toby, but Donna was the one whose belly he had caressed all night and who saw him assemble furniture and pace the delivery room. She had checked his temperature when he had suggested that he stay home with Noah, but she wasn't entirely surprised.

"It's just really hard to imagine Bartlet's bulldog changing diapers and watching Elmo." Amy fiddled with the olives in her basket.

Donna smiled slightly. Noah was definitely asleep now and he was burrowing his little face into her neck, much like his father did. Except, Donna noted, Josh could control the drool. "Josh doesn't really watch Elmo with him." Donna didn't want to share the details and yet that's what she found herself doing. "I think they more watch C-SPAN."

"But you know what I mean." Amy's eyes pierced Donna's. "I would never..."

... have gotten him to do that. Donna finished off in her head. She continued to have a conversation with Amy in her head, while trying to gently place sleeping Noah back in his seat. No, Amy, Donna thought, you wouldn't have. Maybe I got him to do that because I never asked him to do that, he just did. I didn't get him to do anything, Amy. I didn't get him to marry me. I didn't get him to have a baby with me. I didn't wave a magic wand and cast some spell.

Donna stared directly into Amy's eyes as she thought, too polite to say those things out loud, but hoping Amy got the message. Hoped that Amy would understand, in least in some small way, that Amy's Josh Lyman wasn't Donna's Josh Lyman. Hoped that the supermarket down the street carried fresher tomatoes then this one.

After all, being a wife and mother is all about practicality.

Amy broke the silence with a slight wave of her hand. "Anyway, I think it's really... great that he did that. Does he cook now, too?"

A laugh couldn't help but burst out of Donna, as she remembered Josh's "zucchini, chicken, cheese, whatever" from last week. "Uh, no. That he does not do, although he tries sometimes."

"Is it edible?"

"It's not poisonous." Donna giggled again. "It's also not very delicious."

Amy smiled and Donna glanced at her lips to see if feathers were peaking out. She had gone from fiddling with her olives to her tea. The truth flashed before Donna's very eyes: Amy was just as nervous as she was, if not more so.

"Donna..." Donna had never heard Amy sound so... lacking confidence. "There are no hard feelings, right? Between you and me? I mean," Amy broke into a sideways grin that almost looked a leer. "You got the guy, in the end."

Donna found her confidence growing by leaps and bounds. "No, Amy. I don't have any hard feelings, I mean, if anyone were to have hard feelings..."

"Well, I don't," Amy straightened up quickly. "I don't have any hard feelings, Donna. You won, you were always going to win. I was.. distraction and complication and competition. I knew the second you hooked up with the Russell campaign, he'd..."

"That's not true." Noah was beginning to stir again and Donna wondered how long she had before a meltdown was to occur. Whether it would be Noah's or Amy's, Donna wasn't quite sure. "You were more then that to him. Also, it's not true that I was.. naturally going to win. And anyway, Josh Lyman isn't a prize to be won. He and I don't consider our relationship that way. We're a...a...partnership."

"And that's why you were always going to win, Donna." Amy didn't sound as sharp as she did a few moments before. "Because it wasn't a competition with you, it was a partnership. When you were his assistant, when you were his friend, when the two of you were dating..."

Donna flashed back to the last time her and Josh saw Amy. When they were dating. Actually, when they were making out backstage at the Democratic National Convention. It probably was not the wisest maneuver on earth and they had certainly gotten some looks. And Amy had seen them and they had seen her, in a moment when their lips and eyes weren't cemented to each others. Amy had waved slightly. They both had waved back and then Josh had buried his face in her neck.

They had invited her to the wedding, but she hadn't come.

"Amy..." And then Noah began wailing again. "Shit... I gotta run. But Amy..."

"Yeah." Amy had never looked more vulnerable to Donna.

Donna had many words she could have said, wanted to say, were on the tip of her tongue. Some of them cruel, some of them nice. She couldn't hate Amy. Mandy, a whole different story, but Amy...

"Take care of yourself, okay."

Amy's face brightened considerably. "You, too, Donnatella Lyman."

They went their separate ways. Donna picked up a sobbing Noah, rubbed his back gently. She quickly grabbed her cell phone out of her purse, dialed home, tried to move the cart towards check-out and ran over her own toes. "Shit!"

"Well, that's a polite way to say hello, Donna."

"Josh, can you talk to Noah for me? He's sobbing and I need to get out of the grocery store."

Noah didn't wait for Josh to reply. He grabbed the phone from Donna's hands, tangled it up in her hair and squealed into the receiver. "Daddy!"

Quickly plopping Noah back in the cart while he babbled on to his father (and his father babbled back to him), Donna began to unload her groceries onto the belt. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Amy looking at them from an aisle. Then, she noticed that something wet was on her hand.

The Yoo-Hoo was leaking.

It was just one of those days.


	2. Race Car

"Joshua Lyman!"

This is the problem with strollers, Josh thought to himself. They limit your speed. If he had been walking his usual pace, he'd be in Virginia by now. He supposed he could speed up a bit. But, although Noah loved to play "race car" with the stroller, Donna generally frowned on such activities.

Without a stroller, there was no doubt that Josh could be miles away from the little shrimp by now.

Will Bailey walked up to the side of the stroller.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Will pointed down at the little guy in the stroller, who was chewing on his stuffed donkey. "Is that Noah?"

No, you nitwit, Josh thought. I just push around strange children in a stroller all day. It's a hobby of mine, right up there with stamp collecting. Out loud, Josh simply said "yeah."

Will crouched down to take a better look at the child, who looked back at Will, dropping his stuffed animal on the ground. Josh quickly picked it up and put it in his bag. No way would he let Noah gum up something that had been on the dirty sidewalk.

"He's gotten so big," Will said, standing back up.

The sarcastic comments just kept coming inside Josh's mind. That's what kids do, you freak. They grow. The words were actually on his lips, when he realized that Will was speaking again and the sooner he replied, the sooner the conversation was over.

"So, how's Donna?"

See, that right there is the problem with Will Bailey, Josh thought. He doesn't know what not to ask, he doesn't recognize sore spots. Josh didn't like it when any man asked about Donna. Even Toby asking made him a bit... apprehensive. He had thought that the jealous, possessive nature of his feelings for Donna would lessen once he became her boyfriend, then her husband, then father of her children. They hadn't.

Of course, he never let her know that.

And Will Bailey asking, for the love of all that was holy...

"She's fine. She's going to go get her masters in the fall."

Where professors would be looking at her all day. Josh wondered if it was possible to surgically attach Donna's wedding ring to her finger.

"That's great. What's she going to study? Political Science?"

No, Marine Biology, dumb ass. Josh hoped he hadn't said that out loud.

"Yeah, political science."

"Does she even need to get her degree?" Will shoved his hands in his pockets. "She already knows more then most of the professors."

Noah interrupted the two men with a small wail. "Apple juice, daddy!"

Josh reached into the compartment in the back of the stroller and brought out a little juice box. He quickly unwrapped the little straw and, in poking it through the little hole, managed to get sticky juice all over his hand. He gave his son the apple juice, telling him "It's warm, Noah" and wiped his hand on his slacks. It was still sticky.

"Look, Josh, we didn't get a chance to speak... you know, before..."

"Before what?"

"Before you and Donna got married."

The wheels in Josh's head turned. They rolled him back to a more stressful time, campaigning around the country with Matt Santos, different hotel rooms but the same scratchy sheets. He remembered a conversation between Will and himself that was less then friendly and had nothing to do with the campaign and everything to do with the woman who was now sharing the scratchy sheets with Josh.

"You didn't come to our wedding," Josh replied, returning to the present. He kept trying to get the sticky off his hand.

"I know."

"We invited you."

"I know. I sent a gift."

Ironically enough for the moment, it had been a juicer. They never used it. Who had the time in their household to make juice?

"Why didn't you come to our wedding?" Everyone had been there. Josh Lyman getting married was an idea so novel it seemed most of Washington turned up to see if he would actually do it. Josh himself felt quite the opposite of cold feet. He had wanted to marry Donna the night he first kissed her. Probably before that. He literally had sprinted into the church and could hardly wait the hour it took for the ceremony to begin. He remembered looking out on all the faces.

The Barlets, Liz glaring at him. Leo, of course, playing the role of Josh's father. Toby, Andi, C.J., Charlie, Debbie, Kate Harper, Annabeth, Sam, Margeret, Carol, Ginger, Ed, Larry, Joey Lucas and Kenny. Nancy McNally. Matt Santos. Arnold Vinick. John Hoynes. Bob Russell.

But no Will Bailey.

"I wasn't... sure it was appropriate."

"Will, if Matt Santos, John Hoynes and Bob Russell could all drink champagne together and buy us matching towel sets..."

"All three bought you matching towel sets?"

"Well, no, actually only Bob Russell."

Josh could be carrying on a conversation with the president or the Pope, it didn't matter, if Noah was in the room, one eye would be trained on him. And Will Bailey was hardly either one. Josh could see Noah as he sat in the stroller and finished his juice box. He leaned down to take it from him.

"Want donkey."

"Donkey fell the ground. I have to wash him before I give him back to you."

"Why?"

The eternal question of the two-year-old. "Because he's dirty now and he has to be all clean for Noah to play with him."

"I play with donkey anyway," Noah pouted and focused his brown eyes on his father.

"No, Noah." The boy's forehead scrunched. The wails would be next. Then the tears. Noah had a nine-point plan for temper tantrums and Josh knew each point by heart. "Why don't you play with bear?"

Josh gently put the bear in the boy's hands and stood up again. Will was watching the scene, looking very uncomfortable and a little ashamed, almost. Josh threw away the empty juice box and waited for the screams. Happily, Noah seemed content with bear.

"I don't know if I could ever do that," Will said quietly.

"What?"

"I don't know... be a father. I don't think I have it me."

Josh smiled slightly. "It's not something... I don't know, you think Toby or I or Leo or Jed Bartlet had some quality or realization that made us good fathers? I think it's something you just do as you go along."

"You're all decent men. That's a good quality."

"You're a decent man," Josh said. You annoy the hell out of me, he thought, but you're decent.

"Still... the thought of nap times and bottles and diapers... I like the adult world."

"Well," Josh cleared his throat slightly. "You don't have to give up the adult world. Even if you stay at home with the kid, you never give up being an adult just because you're around someone who isn't."

In fact, Josh had never felt more adult then after Noah was born. It was responsibility so heady and yet so easy in some ways. It had payoffs he didn't understand before. There was a peace that came to him that he had never even thought to look for before. And the unconditional love... that knocked Josh for a loop. There was someone who didn't love him because of his job title or his power or looks or even for his heart and soul, like Donna did. Noah loved him because he was his Dad. And Josh loved Noah in a way that defied words or explanations.

But he was not telling all of that to Will Bailey. Who Josh thought would make a fine father, even though he was a piss-ant.

"I didn't mean to say that you staying home with him..."

"No, I didn't think you did."

"Anyway, I..." Will seemed very unsure of himself at the moment. Josh wondered what was coming next. "I think I need to apologize to you."

Josh looked at the ground for a second. "Is that why you didn't come to our wedding?"

"I guess I felt like... like you wouldn't want me there."

Josh shrugged his shoulders. "If I didn't want you there, I wouldn't have invited you."

"I thought that was Donna."

"No."

"Oh," Looking like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole, Will shuffled his weight between his feet. "I see. Josh, I know I said some things to you during the campaign when you and Donna started dating..."

The heated conversation in the lobby of the Best Western in Portland. Josh's hands on his hips, struggling to maintain control of his raging emotions. Will, sounding remote and passionless, reiterating the same points again and again. Like a damned robot.

Later that night, in Josh's room, Donna cried herself to sleep, worried that she was going to lose her job. Josh had waited until she was asleep and then left the room. Pounded on Will Bailey's door and that's when the real fight broke out.

That's when the animosity between Santos campaign manager and Russell's campaign manager started to have nothing to do with politics.

"It was none of your goddamn business, Will." Josh said tightly, echoing his words from years ago. The anger was still there under the surface.

"You were the campaign manager for Santos and Donna was working for me and we were, like, definitely not working for Santos at that point. And when you were her boss, you definitely made Donna's love life your business."

Tactical error, Josh thought. Big, big tactical error on Will's part. "That was because I was jealous and in love with her. Are you going to tell me now that you had the same reasons?"

Will blanched and looked like he was about to run in the opposite direction as fast as possible. Just as Josh suspected. Just as he tried to tell Donna in that hotel room so many moons ago. Donna had looked at him like he was crazy, that the idea that Will Bailey wanted her was so out of the question it was ridiculous. Josh knew it was far from ridiculous. Who, if not him, knew when men wanted Donna? He had had that radar perfected years ago.

"No, no... of course not." Will said, but both men knew that wasn't exactly true.

Possessive as he was, Josh was secure enough in his marriage and life to know that he didn't need to punch Will Bailey in the face. All the words had been said years ago and Josh was tired of rehashing this conversation.

But Will kept going. "It's not like I had much of a shot, right? I mean, you were always going to win in the end."

Josh did a double take before giving an answer. He knew now why Will wasn't in a successful relationship. "Love's not politics, Will. It's not a matter of winning and there was definitely, definitely no guarantee that I was going to be with Donna in the end. She wasn't, isn't, a prize to be won."

Will cleared his throat and looked around for a second. "I get what you're saying. I just... I just want to apologize to you. What I said, back then, it was out of line. And I know it upset Donna."

Using his best glare, Josh stared deep into Will's eyes. "I don't give a shit what you said to me. I didn't then. Donna being upset, crying herself to sleep, was the only reason I hit you."

The two men stared at each other. Josh defiant, Will deflated; they stared for about a minute and then Josh looked down at his watch. "I have to go."

"Don't let me keep you."

Even though the Barlets, the Santos, C.J., Leo and Toby were in the dark on the latest development in the Lyman family, Josh couldn't help but drop the bomb on Will. What a confused, sad little cocktail wiener, Josh thought to himself as he began to speak.

"I gotta meet Donna at the doctor's office. We're having another baby and today we get to hear the heartbeat."

"Congratulations," Will said, sounding remote and robot-like.

"You should try the fatherhood thing sometime, Will," Josh shouted as he walked away. "It'll make a man out of you."

Will grinned and then grimaced, walking in the opposite direction.

"All-right, Noah," Josh beamed at his son. "Do you want to play race car?"


	3. Will's Glasses

"Will Bailey!"

He wasn't wearing his glasses when he opened the door, all he could see was a blur of blue, black, skin and brown hair. Josh had jeans on, Will surmised, and a black sweater. If he had glasses on, he would see how hastily the ensemble had been put together. The fly wasn't even buttoned all the way up.

Will leaned to the side of the door. Not being able to see made him braver than he normally would be. "What do you want, Josh? It's like two in the morning."

Josh barreled into Will's room. "You're used to White House hours, Will. What's the matter, getting soft on the road?"

"I don't need to stand here and listen to you bitch, Josh." Will let the door shut and went to the night stand to get his glasses. Even without them, he could see anger bursting out of blurry Josh like daggers. It probably wasn't smart to have let him in the room. Will then remembered he hadn't let Josh in the room.

"Actually, yes, you do." Josh's voice was calm, unlike the furious pounding on the door a few minutes ago. He looked messy but determined, not unlike how he always looked, but Will detected something that made his stomach flip-flop. Simmering rage.

"Do you know what I've been doing all-night, Will? Do you? I've been taking care of Donna. Do you know what she's been doing all-night? Crying. Well, no, she's actually been sobbing all-night." Josh's decibel rose with every sentence. Will actually had to tell his knees not to shake. "She thinks you're going to fire her."

Will was no stranger to rage. He felt his own emotions begin to boil, but he knew the best thing was to remain calm. "That's not my call to make."

"Don't bullshit me."

"And it's not like the inner workings of the Russell campaign are your business, Josh." Will couldn't make his voice go down. "In fact, they are extremely not your business."

"This isn't about the campaign. This isn't about politics."

"Then what the hell is it about?" Will yanked a chair away from the table and sat down. He really wanted sleep, but first he felt like throwing up. Or running back to Orange County as fast as his legs could carry him.

Josh rapped the silent television set a few times with his fist. "It's about Donna and it's about the fact that you are jealous..."

"Oh, is that right?"

"You wanted to have the same relationship with her that I had. That's what you told her in New Hampshire, back when she got hired. What were your exact words... "I think we can be as close as partners as you and Josh were"... As close, huh?"

"I meant working relationship."

"And what do you think that "working relationship" was to us over the years, Will? Do you have any idea..."

'Yeah, I have some idea." Will wanted to kill, kill Donna for telling Josh that. Of all the things to say... and, in a way, it proved his point. Donna couldn't really be trusted now that she was with Josh. What else had she said to him, about Will, about Russell? He didn't want to fire her, didn't want things to be this way. But she had made this choice, not Will.

"No, you really don't. You wouldn't fly to Germany to be at her side, you wouldn't fly to Michigan to be at her side. And do you really think that one presidential campaign could compete with two campaigns, seven years at the White House, hearings, kidnappings, me getting shot..." Josh's voice trailed off and his face contorted for a second. "Do you have any idea what we went through?"

"I was there for some of it." Will's palms had begun to sweat. They were making marks on the wood table.

Josh laughed without humor. "Hardly. You helped me throw a few snowballs at her window once."

"What the hell do you want, Josh?" Will stood up and began walking towards Josh. Without shoes, he was considerably smaller and he tried not to feel intimated. So far, it wasn't much working. "Whether or not Donna keeps her job has nothing to do with you."

"Actually, it has everything to do with me if you're going to fire her for being with me."

"I can't technically do that."

"You're damn right you can't."

"But I can if it becomes detrimental to the campaign, which it will!" He hadn't meant to shout the last part, he really hadn't. Josh's eyes were extremely wide and the side of his mouth was twitching slightly.

"Donna and I don't talk about the campaign..."

"And how would anyone know if you did or didn't? And why should I believe you? Or her?"

"Hell, Will," Josh's teeth were clenched and his hands were in fists. "Call me a liar any day of the week but don't you dare question Donna's integrity."

"Why shouldn't I?" Will was pacing the short area he had in the room. Josh had really claimed most of it, standing in the space between the bed and the television. "I know she's told you things. You've told me tonight the things she's told you. And this is just like you. The perfect political operator. Find some woman to sleep with on the opposing campaign and have her..."

The taste of blood filled Will's mouth. He had just been talking, yelling and then there was blood dribbling down his chin. Blood on Josh's fist. Josh who was now two inches away from Will's face. Will brought a hand up to touch the place where Josh's fist had connected. Josh's eyes were small and surpentine and too close to Will's. The glasses did nothing to diminish or protect.

The voice coming out of Josh's mouth was very low. "First, I would never date someone just to win an election, so that shows how little you know me and apparently how little you think of me. Second, I am not the perfect political operator. My relationship with Donna isn't good politics for anyone, never has been. But you know, I don't care. I don't really care. Because Donna is far more important to me then this campaign, this election, my candidate, your candidate, anyone's candidate. And she'll always be. She'll always be more important than my career and I know you don't understand that. Because nothing is more important you than your precious career and electing Bingo Bob or a dead man to office, not that there's a difference between Bingo Bob and a dead man."

Josh backed away a few feet and released Will's shoulders. Will hadn't even realized that Josh was gripping his shoulders and shaking them. The bleeding had stopped, but his jaw felt unbelievably sore.

Josh continued talking, massaging his fist. "You are jealous Will, not only because I have Donna but because I have something that means more than my career. I feel sorry for you. I used to be you. But now I'm not anymore and I can't even understand why I put my career ahead of her for so many years..."

"I can't believe you fucking punched me," Will ground out. He strode past Josh, as confident as he could with his legs shaking and went into the bathroom to get a towel.

"Of course you don't," Josh laughed, almost heartily, and Will thought for a second that Josh had lost his mind. "Because punching you isn't good politics, so you don't understand. It won't help Santos win, so you don't understand why I would do that. Jesus Christ, are you just a machine?"

Will came out of the bathroom. "Machines don't bleed when you punch them."

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not." Will sighed at sat down on the bed. "Look, I realize that you love her and that she loves you. I realize that and normally, I wouldn't care. But I am that guy now and I need to care and you would have cared, too. I'm trying to win an election, that's what I'm trying to do. And so are you and so is Donna. You two can play Romeo and Juliet until the crows fly home, but you're doing it on my dime and so I get to have a say."

"There's always been someone's fucking dime!" Josh screamed. Will recoiled in horror. "And we certainly behaved ourselves for eight years. You ever love someone for eight years, Will? Eight years and you're never able to touch them, to kiss them because if you did they'd get fired or you'd get fired or there'd be some scandal that the administration just couldn't afford? We stayed apart eight years for Jed Bartlet and Leo McGarry. But you aren't them and this isn't the White House."

"You're making arguments about love and this isn't about love, this is about politics, pure and simple."

"This is only about love, Will. It's sad to me that you really can't see that." Josh made to exit. Nothing had been resolved, but he looked a bit better. Will surmised that hitting him had helped Josh's mindset. He knew that whatever was happening between Santos' campaign manager and his own staffer wasn't just a rumble between the sheets. But he had really no idea...

"And it disturbs me to see Josh Lyman this far gone."

"This far gone..." Again, Josh gave a bitter laugh. "Will, you really don't get it. The only reason I'm upset... I don't care what you do to me, do to Santos, do to Russell, whatever... but you hurt Donna... you hurt Donna... she cried herself to sleep. And that's all I've been thinking about this entire time, is that you hurt her. And you better not do it again."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes." Josh threw open the door. "For the last time, Will, this isn't politics, this is love. You think I'm vicious in the political arena? Well, I've found something that means more to me than that. You hurt her again, I swear to God, you'll wish you were a dead man instead of running a campaign for one." Josh went into the hall.

The door shut.


	4. Gin Gimlets

Disclaimer: Don't own them. John Wells, Aaron Sorkin, WB and NBC please don't hurt me.

"Amy Gardner."

"Mmm-phmm."

"Amy Gardner, Josh."

"Mmm..."

"Amy Gardner is standing twenty-feet away and staring at us, Josh."

Josh ripped his mouth away from Donna's neck and craned his head to see where Donna was looking. Donna, for her part, was beginning to feel this "we don't have to hide anymore, let's practically do it in public" phase of their relationship was about to end. Amy, for her part, was only a bit discomforted. It was always difficult to see an ex make-out with another woman like that. On the other hand, she was definitely not pining for Josh Lyman anymore.

Josh Lyman, for his part, wanted to see what color bra Donna was wearing. Whether it opened in the front or back or was it that black lace number...

The three of them looked at each other blankly for a few moments, then Amy raised her hand and waved slightly, looking somewhat embarrassed. For herself or for them, she wasn't quite sure. Making out backstage at the Democratic convention was a gusty move, she had to concede that to them. Amy was pretty sure that Josh wouldn't have done it if it had been Bartlet on the stage. Sadly, she was also positive that he wouldn't have done it with Amy, either.

Josh and Donna timidly waved back. They whispered something to each other and Josh's face quickly disappeared into Donna's neck. Amy looked away, feeling like an idiot for waving and pretty sure Josh and Donna were both similarly mortified. "Why can't these things ever go smoothly?" Amy thought to herself, as she turned and walked away.

"I'm not upset," she continued to think, unaware that she was muttering it to herself at the same time. "It didn't need to be that awkward. I should have gone over there and said hello, but that would have meant interrupting and..."

She bumped into someone tall, female and familiar. C.J. gave her a slight smile.

"How's it going, Amy?"

"Fine." Amy shut her lips tightly. "Just... watching the convention."

C.J. gave her a smile, a smile Amy could see as slightly pitying. "Not me. I've been watching the Josh and Donna floor show."

Amy crossed her arms. "Yeah, I saw a bit of that."

"I'm sure if they knew you were watching, they'd be more discreet," C.J. waved her hand in the air slightly. "Well, actually, I don't know..."

"Are they always this.. amorous?"

C.J.'s eyes remained glued to Matt Santos. "Its a phase."

"And how long..." Amy wanted to probe for information without being obvious. But this wasn't politics. For some reason, she didn't want it getting back to Josh or Donna that she had asked.

"I actually don't know." Amy wondered why C.J.'s answers were so clipped.

Amy decided blunt was the best tactic to use next. "Are you pissed at me for some reason, C.J.?"

"No." C.J.'s hand moved to her beeper, as if she was about to use it as an excuse. She then sighed deeply. "Amy, Donna and I had a long talk about her and Josh last night."

"Okay."

"You know, girl-talk over gin gimlets. We were waiting for Josh and Toby to... well, that's not important. We talked a lot about the past seven years and the future..."

"Okay." Amy was beginning to feel impatient and wondered if Toby wasn't a better conduit for information. As well as a better conduit for mutual scorn of public displays of affection.

"They're getting married."

Amy perked her ears, but she didn't hear the fat lady singing or the bell tolling. She heard Matt Santos talk about education reform and better training for teachers. He should have taken her advice; he still wasn't using his presidential voice.

Maybe if she paid hard enough attention to Matt Santos' non-presidential voice, she could ignore what she just heard.

C.J. was looking right at her and she knew she was being analyzed. Probably to be giggled at over gin gimlets later. She could practically script what the two of them would say to each other.

Amy smiled tightly. She formulated an answer, knowing it was coming a minute too late. "That's nice. When?"

"Soon. Probably right after the election."

"Did he get down on one knee?" Amy practically snorted.

"No." C.J.'s phase softened. "He did propose to her in his old office, though. Apparently Leo and the President's idea. "

We had sex in that office, Amy grimaced. That office is now Cliff Calley's office, whom Donna had sex with. Out loud, she said, "That doesn't seem too romantic to me."

C.J. smiled. "Well, Cliff and Josh decked the place out. Roses, champagne, campaign badges, which I didn't understand, but Donna assured me was very meaningful for them."

"Cliff Calley helped Josh propose to Donna?" Amy couldn't quite believe that.

"Well, it is his office now. Josh had to get his permission. But Cliff was more than happy to help. I guess Josh's possessive streak doesn't extend to him... probably because it was a long..." C.J. cut herself off and darted her eyes back to Santos.

"...time ago." Amy finished. "So, you knew that they were engaged before gin gimlets last night?"

C.J. was silent for a moment, listening to Santos elaborate on his health care plan for children. When he broke for applause, she answered Amy. "Yeah, I knew."

"Are you happy for them?"

"Very much so." C.J. looked Amy directly in the eye and Amy could feel the heat of her gaze. C.J. was pissed at her. Probably thought she was going to sabotage the whole affair. Show up at the wedding wearing that short red dress and toeless sandals. Amy entertained no such ideas. If Cliff Calley could deck that office in rose petals and help his new good friend Josh woo, then, damn it, she would help pick the gown and push Donna down the aisle herself.

"Don't be pissed at me, C.J. I'm not about to sabotage anything. I'm not about to stand in anyone's way."

"You couldn't if you tried, Amy. He's... they're... I mean, Josh Lyman is getting married and he wants to do it tomorrow. He's ready to elope."

"Probably could get a really good price on an Elvis impersonator."

Again, a wistful smile graced C.J.'s face. Amy wondered what was going on inside her head. "The four of us got pretty wasted last night. Toby said he'd pay for the tickets if we all wanted to ditch this scene and fly to Vegas..."

It sounded like fun, drinking with the four of them. It had never happened when Josh and Amy were together. Amy suspected that Josh might not have wanted Donna and Amy to get drunk together. She knew why. Four beers in the bullpen at the White House and you didn't know what would be flying out of their mouths.

"Amy, when Donna and I talked last night..."

Thunderous applause from the crowd. Amy knew that she and C.J. should really be paying attention to the speech, but a need to know had formed in her gut and she couldn't let it go. It was always difficult to hear that an ex was marrying another woman.

The crowd quieted down again and C.J. continued. "She told me what you asked her the night Zoey Bartlet was kidnapped."

A slight chill washed through Amy. "And she lied to me. Her answer was no."

"You had no business asking the question anyway."

C.J. was pissed, not because Amy was going to show up naked at the Moss-Lyman nuptials, but because of a simple question from years ago. A question everyone already knew the answer to. Amy fought the urge to laugh, but C.J. looked extremely serious and, well, pissed.

"It was just, you know, girl-talk over beers."

"Girl-talk can be dangerous sometimes." C.J. exhaled loudly. "I, too, stuck my nose into their affairs, but I wasn't trying to expose her feelings or hurt her. You were trying to upset her."

"I really wasn't. I wanted to know."

"And you thought you would get an honest response? You, the ex-girlfriend? Amy, you don't know much about girl-talk."

Amy wanted this girl-talk session to end quickly, that much she knew. "She was going on about how you had to "get" Josh and, well, I just wanted to..."

"Push her buttons?"

"She knew more about him than I did, C.J. I guess it bothered me." Amy couldn't remember a time when she had been so emotionally honest in two sentences or even a time when she thought herself capable of that. She was over Josh, that much she was certain, but maybe she wasn't over what the relationship had actually been. She had suspected all along that she was a placebo. That Josh was waiting for someone else, someone who knew that his sister had died in a fire and why he walked so fast. Donna waited patiently for him to tire himself out walking and come back to her. Amy just tried to walk faster than him.

C.J., for her part, let Amy think and smiled a bitter smile to herself. "None of it was a competition, Amy." C.J. let her grin widen. "Good God, you women would be competing for Josh Lyman! Do you know how twisted that is to me?"

Amy chuckled. They watched Santos for another few minutes. Amy then cleared her throat. She could push buttons, she could push Donna's and she could push C.J.'s. "What did you say to Donna?"

"When?"

"When you stuck your nose into their affairs."

The button had been pushed correctly and with the right amount of pressure. C.J. flinched visibly. "I... I told her to go have more fun and do more things. Go to lectures, go on dates... build a life apart from Josh, I guess."

"It was good advice. She needed to become her own woman."

C.J.'s eyes became considerably more haunted. "Yeah, she took my advice. She went to Gaza, had a one-night stand and then almost died. Then she quit and broke my friend's heart."

"His heart apparently has healed."

C.J. didn't seem to hear her. "I was thinking of her, not Josh. The look on his face when I told him... and how he was after she quit..." C.J. composed herself quickly. "It all worked out in the end. That's what I'm telling myself. And I wanted them to be together then and I think it's even better that she did become her own woman."

"You, the press secretary?" Again, Amy couldn't quite believe what she was hearing.

Amy felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up at C.J. smiling genuinely at her. "Amy, don't take this the wrong way. Please don't. But everyone, from the President down to the janitor on the graveyard shift, wanted Donna and Josh to be together. We didn't want the Deputy Chief of Staff and his assistant to be together, but Josh and Donna we definitely did."

"Were there meetings about this?" Amy tried, she really did, not to sound snide.

"It was an unspoken thing." C.J. didn't seem pissed at all anymore. Amy guessed C.J. was more mad at herself than she was made at Amy and Amy didn't understand at all. C.J. had given Donna sound advice. Think of herself, not Josh, first.

The President, the janitor and C.J. probably all thought that Amy hated Donna. In all emotional honesty, that was absolutely not true. Amy liked Donna. Always had, always would. You couldn't not respect a woman who drove across the country and hired herself. She had wanted to push her buttons, but she really hadn't wanted to hurt her. Now she was worried that she had.

Looking back at the darkened spot near the stage, Amy was reassured.

Josh and Donna were still making out.


	5. Bar Stools

Own nothing. Please don't sue.

"Toby Ziegler."

"Joshua Lyman."

Josh lumbered onto the barstool next to Toby, who was having a hard time looking up at him. The old anger had faded into apprehension and a bit of embarrassment. They had behaved like the children C.J. always accused them of being. They had continued throughout the campaign to speak, but never to talk. Words like "yes", "no", "okay" and "good-bye", from two men who liked, more than anything else, to hear themselves pontificate.

It had taken four words, one repeated, over a cell phone late at night. Four words and Toby was the first to learn about Josh and Donna. He counted the bottles of wine by the bar as the conversation replayed in his head.

"It's a memo from 2001 about school vouchers."

"I don't remember."

Toby exhaled through his teeth and counted to ten. He was pacing his office. "Cliff can't find it."

"Try the EOB."

Josh had said six words to Toby's twelve. "He's winning," Toby thought. "Best to reduce myself to monosyllabic grunts."

"Hmm."

"I don't know, then."

"Yeah."

"Toby, I'm trying to run a campaign here and..."

Josh was muffled as he began talking to someone else. His hand must've been over the phone; Toby couldn't hear much other than it was a woman. A woman who was with Josh, eleven o'clock on a Wednesday night, probably in his hotel room.

"Donna says you should try the file room in the basement."

Toby was silent for a moment as it sunk in how much, indeed, Josh Lyman was winning.

He was astonished that his own voice sounded friendly. "Okay, I will. Josh..."

"Yeah."

"So..."

"Yeah."

"Well, all-right, then."

"Night, Toby."

"Night, Josh."

Bigger words hadn't been needed, Toby thought as he admired the label of the Pinot Noir. "So" and "Yeah" said pretty much everything and the last thing Toby wanted was details of kisses and romances. He knew and it may have been at that point, pacing his office, that the anger began to wane. If Donna could forgive him for sins much larger than Toby was even aware of, he could learn to speak to Josh in paragraphs again.

But he wasn't at all sure he wanted to do it tonight, during the convention, on an uncomfortable bar stool.

"C.J. and Donna are upstairs, drinking gin gimlets."

"Room service?"

"Room service gin gimlets and strawberry cheesecake and chocolate mousse."

Toby grimaced. "Sounds... sickening."

The bartender took Josh's drink order, a simple bourbon with beer chaser. Josh settled himself into his seat and looked at Toby. "I was drowning in estrogen and sugar. I had to leave."

"Had to leave?"

"I may have been kicked out because I have a penis."

Toby refrained from saying what had obviously popped into his mind. "That sounds about right."

Four words. Baby steps.

Josh fiddled with the paper coaster. "C.J. also thought that you and I... should, you know.. talk."

"That also sounds about right."

"So, in order for us to start talking... you're going to have to, um, talk." Josh downed his bourbon.

"Okay."

"I'm really sort of doing all the talking here, Toby."

"I'm working on it." Couldn't Josh see how uncomfortable this was? Toby wanted to clear the air, but not right now, at this bar, when Santos was going to be nominated tomorrow. Josh had won and Toby didn't begrudge him for it, but he didn't particularly want it rubbed in his face, either.

He knew Josh's ego and bravura well. It was only a matter of time before the gloating began.

Although, looking at his former colleague, Toby realized that At The Bar Josh was quite different from White House Josh or Throwing Papers Josh. He seemed... stilled. The inner nervous energy had dissolved and his face didn't even look boyish anymore. His eyes were solemn, but they had inner wells of peaceful joy that Toby had never seen before.

This was Engaged To Donna Josh. A newer, quieter model that didn't walk so fast.

This Josh took a sip of his beer. "We still have some things in common, Toby. You know that I punched Will Bailey?"

"Punched? Not like the idiotic wrestling match you and I had, but an actual punch?" Maybe Throwing Papers Josh was still around, hiding underneath the glow.

Josh grinned. "It feels better to talk about it, doesn't it? Yeah, I punched him. Probably not my finest hour."

"Was Russell playing dirty pool?"

"No," Josh bit his lip slightly. "He.. found out about Donna and I in Portland. He told her that was probably going to have to fire her. She cried... I never saw someone cry like that. At first, I didn't really understand why she was upset and then she explained it, told me what he said and I... I kinda saw red. I went to his room and we had it out."

Toby frowned into his drink and then motioned the bartender to bring him another. "I am completely and utterly jealous that you were given such an honorable excuse to hit him."

"He's not a bad guy," Josh took another sip of his drink. "He's just caught up in it."

"He started off being a decent man and a very good writer. Then he became Bingo Bob's bitch. Then he became absolutely a waste of my time."

Three sentences and Toby didn't feel nauseous.

"I won't ever forgive him for what he said to Donna, what he said about Donna, but I think with time I'll be able to tolerate being on the same planet with him."

"What did he say to her, if you don't mind my asking?"

Josh swallowed hard and Toby could almost see tears in his eyes. "He... he said that all of Washington thought she was just my gal Friday and if she had anything to do with me, she would never have a future in the Democratic party. That she should remember that she didn't have a degree and she was doing work that people with JDs and Masters were doing. Said that by sleeping with me, all she was doing was cementing a reputation as... as... Josh Lyman's eye candy." Josh laughed bitterly and pounded the bar. "He said he was looking out for her, that he was being her friend. When she was hired, he told her that he, I can't fucking believe this part, would like to be as close to her as I was." He wiped at his eyes.

Taking calming breaths,Toby counted to ten. "And you only punched him once?"

"I was practicing restraint."

"I would not have bothered to restrain myself. When I see Will Bailey again, I may not bother to restrain myself." Toby took a long sip of his fresh drink. "I think that entire paragraph you just quoted qualifies him as a bad guy. Very bad, like, without a soul bad."

"Don't get me wrong, Toby. I'll never forgive him." Josh's voice wavered slightly. "But when I thought about it... if you and I were ten or fifteen years younger and one of the most prominent faces of a campaign we were slaving over was dating the campaign manager for the opposition... we might have thought those things. I don't think we'd have said them, but we would have thought them."

"Well, first off, while Donna is an incredibly beautiful woman... please stop making that face and morphing into the possessive freak you always become when people point out that she's attractive... I can't think of anyone ever calling her your eye candy. She's intelligent and gifted and people in Washington know that. She doesn't have a degree, but she has more national campaign experience than Will does. I bet that pisses him off. And the last part... he's obviously delusional. Being Russell's bitch has obviously caused him to lose his mind." Toby's voice grew stronger and louder. "He needs to be kept away from our women, our liquor and our Democratic party. Not necessarily in that order."

Josh laughed. Toby had lost count of the words. It didn't matter; he had one more sentence to say. "More importantly, you need to know that none of what he said is true, Josh."

"I know." Josh glanced at his shoes. "But its far more important that Donna knows."

"I'm sure you managed to convince her..."

'Me, C.J..."

Toby nearly sputtered into his drink. "C.J. knows and Will still has kneecaps?"

"She's practicing restraint as well. Feels guilty about things she said to Donna awhile back."

"About you and her?"

"Sort of. Nothing like what Will said, obviously."

Shaking his head, Toby took a small sip. Like trying to run the country, improve the country, wasn't enough work. His coworkers, past and present, seemed to make throwing stones about other people's lives a hobby. Most assumed Toby didn't care, which wasn't exactly true in his mind. He cared about Josh and Donna enough never to discuss their relationship with them. Not his business, even if they had been foolish and stopped practicing restraint while working in the White House.

There had been times in those seven years where Toby sincerely wished that they would. Because he did care and he wanted to see them happy. But for Toby to add voice and words to that wish wasn't necessary.

"Speaking of you and Donna... when are you, you know..."

"Getting married?"

"Yeah."

"If I had my way, tonight, but, you know, people want to be there to see it, so..."

"After the election?"

"Yeah. I hate the waiting. I want to be her husband now."

It was the most romantic sentence Toby had ever heard Josh Lyman say. He considered repeating it to Donna. In an instant, he dismissed the idea.

"I regret that I missed the whole proposal..."

Josh looked a bit forlorn. "Was it... an excuse?"

"What?"

"You being out with chicken pox. Was it that you just didn't want to see me?"

Toby smiled the smallest of smiles. "No, I actually had the chicken pox. Kids will give you the strangest diseases, Josh. Spots all over my body. Consider yourself warned for the future."

"You didn't have chicken pox when you were a kid?"

"I was blissfully spared."

Josh raked his teeth across his lower lip and took another sip of beer. "I really thought it was an excuse. I thought you couldn't stand to be in the same building as me."

"I can see why you would..." Toby clenched his hand around his drink. "Well, anyway, I would have liked to have been around for it."

"I..." Josh seemed stuck on his words for a moment. He looked down at the bar, then looked up to meet Toby square in the eye. "I know... I know a way you can make it up... no, that sounds wrong..." Josh looked back down.

"What?"

"Well, you see, the thing is Sam feels like its too much pressure and... no... obviously, it can't be C.J. 'cause she's already in the thing, but anyway, what I'm trying to get at is..."

"Is this how you proposed to Donna?"

Suddenly, Josh straightened his shoulders and met Toby's eyes again. "Toby, I'd like you to be the best man at my wedding."

The bar stools were as hard as concrete and the grenadine in his drink was red. Red had mushroomed on Josh's shirt. Red had been on Toby's hands and he had knelt on the cold red concrete, wondering how a May night in Virginia could be so frigid.

Now, he was in a hotel bar waiting for a nomination that, for the first time in eight years, he had nothing to do with. The red, the blood was long gone. Only a faint white line was left on Toby's cheek. He was being asked to be Josh's best man; would have seemed far out of the realm of possibilities on the cold concrete. Or on the dark day in his office when they had acted like children.

"It was six years ago to the day." The words left him and he couldn't grab them back.

"What?"

"You proposed to Donna six years after Rosslyn. It was six years to the day."

"Yeah."

Nothing more needed to be said.

Toby cleared his throat. "I'd be.. honored, Josh."


	6. Silver DeLorean

Don't own them. NBC, WB, John Wells and Aaron Sorkin do. Don't sue.

"C.J. Cregg, step away from the bouquet!"

Grinning, C.J. turned around. "Come on, Donna, I think red and green would be perfect!"

Donna walked over to the table and wrinkled her nose. "The green is spray-painted on."

"Guess these are Christmas leftovers." C.J. walked over to another table in the florist shop. They had been there for over an hour and C.J. was beginning to feel a bit lightheaded. "What about this? This is magnolia, ranunculus, orchid and lisianthus."

"Isn't that a Simon and Garfunkel song?" Donna put her hand on her forehead. C.J. wondered if Donna was feeling a bit dizzy as well. "It'll go well with the bridesmaid gowns, but it seems a bit... much. I don't think you'd see me over the flowers."

"Here we go... poinsettia, rose and pine... perfect for the right after Christmas wedding." C.J. looked down at the table. "And it's half-off."

Donna pursed her lips at the bouquet. She sighed deeply. "I hate this, C.J. I'm hating planning this wedding. Aren't most women supposed to be excited about wedding plans? Don't they stay up nights hoping the cummerbunds match the carpet of the church? Am I that unusual that I wish I was looking at media markets or gearing up to battle a rider on a bill?"

Honestly, C.J. hated it, too. She loved doing this for Donna and Josh, she loved spending the free time with Donna. The ring shopping with both of them had been fun, the bridesmaid dresses had been quick and planning the menu for the reception had induced hunger pains, but the flowers had been boring. Boring, and C.J. was beginning to feel her sinuses clog. She was hankering for a milk shake or fries or that trout with lemon herb butter from the reception menu.

She put a comforting hand on Donna's shoulder. "I don't think its that unusual. I think that you are a modern, independent woman and a modern, independent woman wouldn't necessarily swoon over all that crap. They make it overwhelming so that women who have doubt about who they are marrying are too busy to think about it. You have no doubt, so all of this is annoying."

"We really, really should have eloped, C.J."

C.J. smiled. "Yeah, but President Bartlet and Leo want to be there. Your parents and his mother want to be there."

"President Barlet had the fanciest private jet in the world. He would've flown to Vegas for us. Could've picked people up along the way."

"The taxpayers probably wouldn't have been so thrilled."

Donna smiled the first smile C.J. had seen in the hour at the florist shop. "No, probably not."

C.J. began to lead Donna out of the allergy attack-inducing store. They could find the bouquet another day. "Besides, that's what I'm here for. These are all maid of honor-type duties. That includes telling the stressed-out bride-to-be to take a break."

Once they were outside, C.J. steered Donna towards a nearby coffee shop. They needed massive amounts of fortification. There were all the flower arrangements, guest lists (and accompanying that, secret service arrangements), types of invitations, the photographer, the band, the cake... It was never-ending. Invading Kundu didn't take this much work.

The women sat down with steaming cups and carefully discarded their winter wear. Donna rubbed her hands together before she took a sip. "Mmmm... coffee. I've missed it."

C.J.'s head perked up as she sipped. "You missed it? You were trying to work on a national campaign without caffeine?"

"Well..." Donna looked sadly at her half-empty sugar packet, then darted her head around the room. "Um..."

The wheels in C.J.'s head spun quickly. "You don't... you don't have to tell me."

"No, it's okay," Donna took a long sip. "We thought I was, but it turned out that I wasn't."

"Was..."

"Pregnant."

"Oh..." The wheels were flying off the wagon in C.J.'s mind as she pictured Josh, with the longer hair of yore, bouncing around the bullpen with a baby his shoulder. Of course, in her fantasy, he was still screaming curses at Republicans and traitorous Democrats. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Donna pushed her hair back away from her face. "I'm sort of relived that I wasn't. I didn't want it to overshadow the wedding. I don't want anyone snarking that its a shotgun-type thing."

"But the two of you want kids..."

"Yeah, we do." Donna took another sip. C.J. could tell she was enjoying it immensely. "But there's no great rush. When it happens, it happens."

"How'd he take it?" C.J. asked.

Donna sighed. "Well. I mean, he took the idea of me being pregnant well. We were both excited. I took a home pregnancy test and everything."

"False positive, obviously."

"Yeah, these things happen." Donna's eyes looked dark to C.J. C.J. tried to put herself in the younger woman's shoes. Would she really be as blasé about this as Donna was being? Maybe. They still had plenty of time. They could focus on the wedding instead of the wedding and a baby.

Still, C.J. felt sad for them for some reason. The picture of the bouncy politician with the bouncy baby wouldn't leave her head.

"How long did you think you were..."

"Two months."

"Are you sure you're okay with other..."

"Yeah, I went to the doctor and everything. I'm fine." She took another long sip of coffee and it occurred to C.J. that she was inhaling the coffee down at an alarming rate. Donna's tongue and throat must have been scalded by now.

They sat in silence for a few moments and sipped coffee. C.J. recognized one of her former deputies and waved quickly as the young man went to buy a latte. A jaunty wave that said, don't come over here. She knew that Donna was hiding something, whether it be an emotion or a fact. She knew her, knew when she was uncomfortable...

C.J. couldn't rewind time. It was never in her power. They didn't give instructions for that when you became Chief of Staff. Her and Donna's relationship had completely recovered since that damn shutdown, but if C.J. could just hop into a DeLorean and change that night, she would. She would also make sure that Donna never got on that plane to Gaza and that Josh never went to Rosslyn.

Make sure Simon never left to buy the damn flowers. Tell Mrs. Landingham to drive the other way. Give Leo salads everyday for lunch. The list was long and for all the awful death and senseless pain, the shutdown conversation was at the top. C.J. didn't know why.

"C.J..." Donna's voice sounded small. "I need... Okay, I haven't been exactly truthful."

C.J. closed her eyes. Something was wrong with Donna and now she had a new destination for the DeLorean. Maybe time travel couldn't cure whatever disease she had, but she could travel to the beginning and drag Donna to a doctor.

Taking a deep breath, C.J. realized she was leaping too far. Maybe Donna wasn't being exactly truthful about the type of caviar she wanted at the reception.

"You can tell me whatever you need to, Donna. I'm totally here for you." C.J. tried not to sound scared.

"Okay..." Donna looked down at her hands. "It's not that... I wasn't... it wasn't a false positive. I was pregnant."

"Okay."

"I... um... had a miscarriage about a month ago. Little less then a month ago."

"Oh, God." C.J. resisted the urge to touch Donna's hand. Although, she noticed that Donna now looked as if the weight of a thousand planets had been lifted off her shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Donna."

"It really is okay, C.J. It feels good... to talk about it. With someone other than Josh."

"How's he doing with... it?"

"You know us, we both thought we had done something wrong. It took awhile before we... we understood that neither of us had done anything wrong. That sometimes these things happen. But we talk about it. I think, as twisted as this sounds, that it made us closer."

C.J. remembered an event three weeks prior and seeing Josh and Donna talk to almost no one but each other. Gripping each other's hands and leaving twenty minutes into the party. When C.J. had said a quick hello, she noticed that all four eyes in front of her appeared red rimmed. Leo had said they were both tired from the campaign.

"Does anyone else know?"

"Leo. We had told him about the pregnancy. We were just about to tell the rest of you."

"My God," C.J. took a sip of coffee and tried to process everything. "But you're okay now, right? The two of you... you can try again."

Donna smiled fully. "Absolutely. The doctor said... he said that I'm in excellent health and everything is working perfectly. Josh and his, you know, little swimmers are fine. There really wasn't any reason..." Donna stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. "No reason at all that the next time I won't be able to carry to term."

C.J. could tell that Donna was telling the truth. Her eyes brightened at the words "next time."

"Can I ask a girly question that's kind of sad?" C.J. was curious.

"Sure."

"What would you have named it? I mean, I guess, what are you thinking of naming the future little Lymans?"

Donna's smile widened even more. "Well, Noah for a boy, obviously. Probably Noah Josiah. And for a girl, we're kind of stuck between Abigail Joan and Claudia Joan."

C.J. felt tears spring to her eyes without her permission. "Jeez... Claudia Joan... you know what that shortens to, right?"

"It was my suggestion."

"And what if you have two boys?"

"It definitely won't be Toby or Leo, I can tell you that much. Charlie's kinda nice, though."

"Noah and Charlie... what if they inherit Josh's energy?"

Donna's grin was nearly splitting her face. "Then I'll have to drink a lot of coffee."

Josh and Donna would have children, C.J. thought to herself. She could visualize it, she could see it. If she had that stupid silver DeLorean, she could fly into the future and watch them slowly grow. This, like so many things in their long history, was just a setback and although it was painful, they would overcome it. Donna seemed lifted, just by talking about with C.J.

Tapping her fingers on the counter, Donna looked out the window for a moment and then looked back to C.J. "I don't really think that hardest part of what happened was that we lost the baby. That was hard, but once we were reassured that nothing was wrong..."

"What was the hardest part? I mean, again, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

Donna's grin was gone. She took a very deep breath and blew it out slowly. "No, it's okay. I need to talk about it. The hard part for me and I think for Josh as well... we were asleep in bed when it happened and we woke up and there was so much blood..."

The acid from the coffee bounced around C.J.'s stomach. For a second, she felt like she was going to throw up.

"And I saw the blood on him and he saw the blood on me and... I mean, after fifteen seconds you rationally know what happened and why there's all this blood but those fifteen seconds were so long and the first thing I heard in my head was Toby's voice saying "Josh was hit.'"

C.J. almost couldn't breath and she saw Donna's younger, pale face answer "Hit with what?"

"Josh told me later that he saw me in a hospital bed and... I mean, any couple would panic, but I think for us it was... we've had to deal with blood too much already. I think that upset us more than losing the baby, although we're still pretty... sad about the baby."

DeLoreans were useless machinery. C.J. didn't need a time travel machine to see Josh's eyes as she told him about the explosion in Gaza. She could shake her fist up to the heavens again, as she had so many times in the past seven years. Again? They had to be hurt again? After they'd finally found each other, someone upstairs decided to show them more blood?

It hardly seemed fair.

C.J. found her voice, trying her best not to cry. Donna needed strength, surely, and more fortification than was in a cup of coffee. "I'm... sorry isn't enough, Donna. If there's anything to two of you need..."

"We're doing fine. Like I said, we talk about it... that really helps. And I know Josh has talked with Leo about it. And it really feels good to talk to you about it, C.J."

"Well, that's what the maid of honor is there for, Donna." C.J. brushed her eyes with her hands and smiled a small watery smile. "Gives me a chance to make up for that conversation during the shutdown."

Donna giggled slightly and put her head in her hands. "Good God, C.J., you're not still feeling guilty about that!"

"No... well, yes... I just... He was crushed when you left."

"We both... got over that. Even Josh will now say that my quitting was a good thing. Otherwise, we'd have stayed on until the end and then we would have started a relationship. And it wouldn't have been as strong a relationship as the one we have. I needed to leave him."

"Yeah, but I could've been nicer about it. And telling you to have a one-night stand... he would kill me if he knew."

"He knows."

"Well, I know he knows that you slept with Colin."

"No, he knows that you said that."

"Donna!" C.J.'s eyes bugged out of her head. She was, however, enjoying the change of subject. Not that she wouldn't have spent five hours talking about the miscarriage with Donna, but she had been on the verge of bawling.

"Relax, relax. He's not at all mad at you about it. Not after I explained it."

"And what spin did you put on it, my favorite press secretary?"

"I said that you meant I should have my fun before the inevitable happened. And that by "one-night stand" you meant a firm handshake."

C.J. smiled. "That's kind of what I meant at the time. Not the firm handshake part."

"I don't think he bought that, either."

"I guess inevitable is the wrong word, because nothing's inevitable. But, you know, I was never against..."

"Oh, yeah you were, my favorite press secretary."

"The press secretary was against it. C.J. Cregg thought it was as close to inevitable as anything else. That's what's getting me through all this wedding planning crap. It really feels... meant to be."

Donna gave the biggest, most beautiful smile C.J. had ever seen. "I have no doubts."

"I know."

"No doubts that poinsettia, rose and pine is not the way to go."

C.J. laughed. A DeLorean couldn't take her away from this moment.


	7. Baseball Game

Don't own them. Please don't sue me.

"Leo McGarry!"

"Governor." Leo shook his hand. Sweaty hand, with a weak grip and a hangnail. It took Leo fifteen seconds to process this man and what we wanted and another five to realize that it didn't matter anymore. There were no favors Leo could grant and no meetings he could set up. The governor's nine electoral votes weren't part of any larger equation, at least not one that Leo was privy to.

He stuck his hand in his pocket.

C.J. and Toby were in a corner looking cagey. Leo knew that the full nine innings had been rough. Josh and Donna had left during the seven inning stretch; sometimes it seemed as if Sam left before the game even got started. C.J., he knew, was leaving politics permanently. Deciding what to do with the rest of her life, after she planned the wedding. Done with the game, sick of the hangnails. He remembered sitting across from her in his old office a few days before. She was sprinkling food in Gail 13's bowl and she told him, in no uncertain terms...

"I'd rather die then do this another twenty years."

C.J. would walk off gracefully. Toby would fight tooth and nail, forgetting that he wasn't a young man anymore. Forgetting that he had won the election, won it twice, and he had nothing left to prove. He wasn't outside throwing rocks at the window. Leo felt a twinge of regret; he knew Toby Ziegler thrived on breaking windows and pissing in the wind. He had turned Toby into an inside man. Maybe Toby would have loved life more on the outside.

He couldn't feel responsible for all the sadness in the Bartlet administration. Not for Toby's bitter musings, C.J.'s quiet anger or Josh's bloody roller coaster. Of course he did feel responsible. His poor heart could testify to it. But he couldn't anymore. What was done was done and if Jed Bartlet didn't stay up nights worrying about Toby's sadness, C.J.'s pain or Josh's meloncholy, neither would Leo.

He didn't know whether Jed Barlet thought about those things or not. Probably absorbed with his own sadness, pain and meloncholy.

On this night, Leo was in his own sadness and he knew why.

Wanted the best for them. Everything for them. The picket fence, the luxury car, four bowls of Cheerios in the morning and a sweet kiss at the end of the night. Nothing had changed, Leo told himself. When Josh showed up in his hotel room that morning, he told himself that nothing had really changed. The first inning had been a loss, but there were nine, ten, twenty-five more times at bat...

"She miscarried two days ago."

"Oh, God," Leo dropped his spoon. "I'm so goddamn sorry, kid."

He cursed himself for saying "kid."

"It's okay," Josh poked at the carpet with his shoe. "We both... we got ourselves checked out and everything is fine for the next time."

"Donna's young; you've still got plenty of time."

Josh nodded tightly. Leo motioned to the chair across from him.

"There was nothing wrong this time, I mean, it just happened. They didn't warn us. They didn't say there were any potential complications."

"Sometimes they can't tell... sometimes it just happens that way."

"It shouldn't..." Josh ran a hand over his face. "There was so much stress at the end of the campaign and that can't have been good..."

Leo snapped his head up. "Don't go there, Josh. I know you. You feel guilty if Peter in the copy room gets a skinned knee. You feel guilty if its raining when the weatherman said it should be sunny. But guilt over this will destroy you. So don't."

Josh's voice was barely above a whisper. "How can I not... I should have made her quit."

"She wouldn't have let you." Leo softened his voice.

Josh didn't seem to listen. Leo knew Josh had to let it out, had to give his demons voice and it killed him inside to watch his son hurting, yet again.

"I could've..." Josh's voice was breaking slightly. "I could've afforded to keep her with me and she wouldn't have had to work. I could have begged her to go to bed at a decent hour and eat balanced meals and drink nine glasses of milk..."

"Nine glasses of milk?"

"Isn't that what babies need?" Josh asked in a small voice, but with a grain of humor in his eyes.

"I know they need milk, I don't know about a set number of glasses or anything..." Leo trailed off and leaned over to squeeze Josh's shoulder. "It'll be okay, Josh."

"I really wanted this."

"And you're going to have it," Leo said with determination. He'd be damned if God let it turn out any other way. "Josh, you are going to have kids and I would image they'll probably be the most spoiled little brats in Washington, next to Mallory."

Josh laughed. Not a deep laugh or a backslapping roar, but a simple chuckle. "Yeah... I know, Leo. I know there's really nothing I could have done."

Leo grunted and put his spoon back in his oatmeal. A little cold now, but the raisons made it palatable. Tonight, he decided, he would take Josh and Donna out for a meal at his favorite Bistro, if they felt up to it. "I should have asked this to begin with... how is Donna? Is she okay?"

"She's doing okay. Health wise, she's recovering. Yesterday, she stayed in bed..." Josh stopped suddenly and looked past Leo to the window.

"She'll be fine, Josh. It'll take time, but she'll be fine."

Josh's eyes were still trained on the window. He sniffled a bit, then moved his face back to Leo's. "It happened while we were asleep. I didn't know you could sleep though something like that."

"You can." Leo put his spoon down again.

"She yelled my name and I woke up and there was all this..."

"Jesus," Leo opened his mouth to say more, but no words came out.

"Anyway," Josh recovered himself and sat up. "After the initial shock, we knew what was going on. Took her to the hospital, they cleaned everything up..."

"Maybe you should call Stanley."

"We did last night." Josh rubbed his hands together. "Anyway, my mom and her parents and you and Stanley are right. We have a zillion more chances. I just think about what Toby and Andi went though.. I would have hoped..."

"And they never gave up trying and now they have Huck and Molly."

"Yeah," Josh gave a small smile. "For the first time, I think I realize how difficult it must have been for them."

"Sometimes you strike out the first at bat and hit a home run the second time." Leo grinned sheepishly. "That was incredibly cheesy, I'm sorry."

"I always like a good cheesy baseball metaphor early in the morning," Josh quipped. He almost seemed like himself. Almost. The lines under his eyes, the slight shudder in his shoulders... Leo could deal with the malcontent Toby and the bittersweet C.J. but a shaking Josh with eyes of blood clots, bullets and babies was hard on the stomach before the full bowl of oatmeal. All of his children pulled on his heartstrings; they all just plucked different cords.

Leo had them both over for dinner, catered in. They were quiet, unnaturally so. The three of them watched a movie after, Leo couldn't remember the plot or title for the life of him. Donna had fallen asleep during it, her head in Josh's lap. Josh watched her, not the movie, lovingly stroking her hair.

The event four nights later was quiet, everyone talking in hushed tones to people they already knew. Toby and C.J. had begun to socialize a bit. Both of them shot looks at Will Bailey, who was trying to blend in with the wallpaper. Annabeth was blissfully happy, ignorant of all the melodrama and pain and Kate Harper, per usual, was lost in her own world.

Charlie was shaking Josh's hand.

Leo had told them not to come. Well, he couldn't exactly order them not to come, not anymore. But he had tried to muster up some of his old Chief of Staff persona. Obviously, they hadn't listened.

He couldn't schmooze, kiss ass and then kick it, with Josh and Donna in the room. He was too attuned to their pain. He had to watch them as they quietly steered themselves towards a wall, far away from Will Bailey's. He kept his eyes trained on them as Josh procured them two glasses of water and Donna swallowed a few pills.

His replacement walked over to him. "This feels like a funeral."

Leo's head snapped up. C.J. must be blissfully ignorant. She wouldn't have said that... if she had known. "Well, a gathering of Bartlet supporters at this point..."

"I'm sorry." C.J. shook her head slightly. "I'm sounding far too morbid recently."

"The end of an era brings thoughts of... ends, I guess."

"I guess." C.J. sipped her wine. "But it never really ends, does it?"

Leo smiled. "No, not really."

C.J. followed Leo's eyes. "They don't seem like themselves tonight, Josh and Donna. I talked to them for a second... Leo, it seemed like they had been crying."

Thirty and change years in politics and the lie rolled of Leo's tongue with barely a thought. "They're just tired from a long campaign. A brutal campaign."

"I would think they would be in euphoria, though, with the wedding and everything."

"Generally, I think they are... you know, everyone's emotions are running high tonight."

Toby had made his way over to the couple in question, who were leaning against the wall and gripping each other's hands. Toby said something to elicit a small smile out of Donna and a quiet chuckle out of Josh. But it seemed that the sadness was too much even for Toby; he clasped Josh's shoulder, kissed Donna on the cheek and made his way to other guests.

Leo excused himself to C.J. and made his way over.

"I told you you didn't have to come tonight."

It was Donna, not Josh, who answered him. "But this is important, Leo. Besides, its nice to get out of the house." She said that, but her eyes confirmed that it was anything but nice.

Josh glanced at Leo. "We're not going to stay long."

Leo couldn't think of a thing to say to them. He had already gone through the "I'm so sorry" and this wasn't the proper place to discuss recent events.

"I just don't want the two of you feeling obligated to be here. You don't have to put up a brave front..."

Josh interrupted him. "I don't think we're putting on much of a show, Leo. Besides, being here takes our minds off..." He squeezed his fiancee's hand. She smiled warmly, obviously grateful for his support.

Donna looked to Leo. He could see a certain hardness in her eyes that he had seen before... after Gaza, after the kidnapping. The toughest of his children to figure out, the most distant and perhaps the most complex; the one thing Leo knew about Donna was that the "Bambi-esque" fragile china doll image was bullshit. He regretted now that, as Josh's assistant, Donna had been too far away for Leo to try and figure out what was beneath that mask. Donna would be married in matter of weeks and Leo knew that Donna Lyman would wear a different mask than Donna Moss. It would take that much longer to figure her out.

"It's good to be out, really." Donna closed her eyes and leaned further back into the wall.

Leo watched Josh watch Donna. He made to leave them be, because that's what he knew they needed. Not some hovering father figure, but each other. "Just let me know if the two of you need anything."

Donna's eyes snapped open and she smiled again. The greenish blue was still rimmed with red, but she seemed better. Fragile china, Leo's ass. They both would be fine. "Thanks, Leo."

As he turned away and left, he saw Josh press a kiss to Donna's lips. He heard Josh whisper, "How much longer should we stay?"

"A few minutes, I guess."

"Leo McGarry!"

Leo spun to see a Senator approaching him, a sweaty twinkle in his eye. Like a bloodhound. Leo racked his brain for the title of the bill and when he realized that there weren't to be anymore bills, he felt both relieved and old. An old clump of oatmeal.

By the time he turned around again, Josh and Donna were gone.


	8. Cup of Coffee

Again, donÕt sue, I donÕt own them.

ÒPresident Bartlet!Ó ÒOver here, President Bartlet!Ó ÒDr. Bartlet!Ó After all the years, his eyes were used to the flashbulbs. The smiles and the waves came without thought. Granted, this event wasnÕt as exciting as an Inauguration or a State of the Union and the cameras were close. Too close for comfort but the space was rather confined to being with. Hospital waiting rooms were by their nature uncomfortable.  
He leaned on his cane and let his wife make a short speech, thanking George Washington Hospital for dedicating a wing in her name. It took her two tries with the scissors to cut the ribbon. He couldnÕt resist a small chuckle, which he knew heÕd be punished for later. The throng of reporters and photographers applauded. Back to waving and smiling for a few more moments.  
They went to the private wine and cheese affair after, a small gathering. Hospitals were AbbeyÕs domain; she thrived on talk of new surgical clamps. The smell irritated him after awhile and, naturally, hospitals reminded him of things, other events, that he needed no reminding of. His own disease and mortality, naturally, but others as well. He faintly remembered being wheeled in to this hospital eight long years ago. He was a much stronger man then. He hadnÕt even realized he had been shot. Nobody knew Josh had been shot, not yet. The former President shook off those thoughts. He knew it was natural to think them. The very halls of the place oozed memory of young faces torn with pain. Of LeoÕs face covered with the oxygen mask and his daughterÕs face, bruised and disoriented. Jed hated remembering any of it.  
He slipped away from the party. Well, not exactly, since he never slipped away from anything. Stealth was impossible with the men in suits as your shadow. The cane tapped gently on the linoleum as he parted the halls. Patients tried to stand; he quickly motioned them to stay seated. God, they hadnÕt changed any of the paintings on the walls. The beeps and the smells, all the same. The people either bargaining for life or awaiting the inevitable were all still sitting where they were eight, four, two years ago.  
He came to an impasse and began to study the map on the wall. Maybe they had a snack bar where he could get some coffee. The secret service might be with him to the end, but no longer holding office had its advantages. He was never pressed for time anymore. He found he could enjoy a slow cup of coffee.  
Time would tell whether he actually hated or loved the slower pace, but for now it suited him. Parts of leaving the Presidency were difficult, but none of it was as difficult as he had worried it would be. Idleness had never suited him before and it wouldnÕt suit him forever, but he wasnÕt worried.  
ÒCoop, where do you think the coffee joint is in this place?Ó Coop said nothing and pointed to a spot on the map clearly labeled Òdining hall.Ó ÒI just didnÕt see it.Ó Coop didnÕt reply.  
The President pivoted and went down another hall towards his beloved slow brew. His legs were being good to him today. He was grateful, although if he were to take a tumble, he at least would be in the right place. Vision was good, hands were fully functional... he would rate this day a seven out of ten. Ten would be good riddance to the goddamn cane.  
The group turned a corner and Jed Bartlet broke out into a smile. ÒAh, Coop, we get to see the babies!Ó Coop didnÕt say anything, but his lips twisted into a faint smile.  
They walked by, the President grinning down at the squirming infants and the secret service pretending not to. Coop didnÕt do a very good job being nonchalant about the Asian baby with the spiky hair, but the President wasnÕt about to report him to Ron or anything. They were almost to the end of the hall. Jed had been looking at the faces, not reading the names, but something jumped out at him. He spun quickly and almost ran back, shocking the agents, who were rating this day about a five. Noah Josiah Lyman.  
He and Abbey had been waiting for the call. He remembered how close DonnaÕs due date was when he agreed to accompany Abbey to the ceremony. It would be nice, he had thought, to be in town for the birth. Abbey had retorted that Jed probably wanted to be in the delivery room for it. Jed had snorted at the suggestion, but privately thought it might not be the worst idea. An honorary grandfather/ ex-president should be let into any delivery room he pleased, just to greet the newest member of the Democratic party.  
There he was.  
Hard to tell with newborns who theyÕll take after, but little Noah already looked to be a good mix. His hair was wild under his cap, but it was definitely blond. Those were Josh LymanÕs eyes, in shape and color. His nose was definitely from Donna, as was the shape of his face. The mouth was JoshÕs and Jed guessed that this little boy would probably inherit more then just shape and lips from his father. HeÕd probably inherit the verbal skills that made Josh famous. NoahÕs mother was no slouch in that department, either.  
ÒCoop, talk to your wrist and tell AbbeyÕs agents who weÕve discovered.Ó A nurse came over and scooped Noah up. The baby flailed his arms a bit, but seemed to settle quickly. She walked away.  
ÒTheyÕre taking him away, Coop. Quick, weÕve got to find them.Ó If it were only a ten day... Jed would be able to move much faster. Fortunately Coop was on the scent; who knew after all these years he had a soft spot for babies? Coop led them to a private room and then took up post outside the door.  
Jed Bartlet knocked softly on the open door and took in the beatific scene inside. Donna Lyman was out cold in the bed, bunny slippers peaking out from under the covers. She was smiling lightly. Josh Lyman was sitting by the window, Noah in his arms, wearing a much bigger smile and wrinkled scrubs. Josh looked up at the knock and the look of surprise was priceless. Still keeping his arms around the tiny bundle, he tried to stand up. ÒMr. Pres-sident?Ó ÒFor ChristÕs sake, sit Josh.Ó He quickly sat back down, his eyes wide.  
ÒI just called you an hour ago. HowÕd...Ó ÒI was here anyway...Ó JoshÕs eyes, if possible, got wider and sadness and worry crept into them. Quickly, the former President set out to calm his fears.  
ÒThey dedicated a wing to Abbey today. And you know how patient I get sitting around listening to doctor-speak. I was actually looking for a cup of coffee and we wondered by the newborns and...Ó The worry flew out of JoshÕs eyes. He riveted them back to the tiny person gurgling in his arms. ÒYeah...Ó ÒSo, when did the newest member of the now-defunct Bartlet administration make his appearance?ÕÓ Jed looked down at the baby and smiled.  
ÒEight-nineteen this morning.Ó ÒWhen did her water break?Ó As if to punctuate what he was about to say, Josh yawned. ÒAbout ten last night.Ó ÒTen hours... thatÕs not too bad. You know, Ellie took eighteen.Ó ÒEighteen?Ó JoshÕs eyebrows raised, as if he were shocked at the idea. ÒJesus. After five hours, Donna was begging me to hit her over the head with a blunt object.Ó ÒAbbey told me I was never touching her again. They all say that, though. They never mean it.Ó ÒDonna actually didnÕt say that. She did, however, threaten to castrate me several times. I guess that amounts to the same thing.Ó Jed noted that JoshÕs eyes had yet to leave his son. ÒHeÕs beautiful, Josh.Ó ÒYeah... he looks like his mother.Ó ÒHe has your eyes. And mouth.Ó Josh looked up for a moment and gave the former President a wry grin. ÒThat mouthÕll probably get him into trouble someday.Ó Jed smiled back. ÒHeÕll probably one day tell Mary Marsh Jr. that the God she prays to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud.Ó The new father looked back to his son. ÒAh, IÕll be proud of him.Ó ÒI will be, too.Ó There wasnÕt a simple emotion Jed could pin down at this moment. It was all encompassing and more warming than a cup of coffee. He regretted that he never had this moment with Toby, but he would never feel guilty about it. The timing then couldnÕt have been worse. This timing couldnÕt have been better. Thinking of Toby and the twins reminded him. He cleared his throat. ÒIÕm going to ask you what I asked Toby back when Huck and Molly were born. What do you know now that you didnÕt know before?Ó Josh thought only for a second. ÒI know why you stepped down. I know why you invoked the 25th.Ó ÒYou didnÕt understand at the time.Ó ÒI tried to. At the time, I tried to think about what IÕd do if it had been Donna. I mean, when it was Donna, I was certainly not able to do my job. But I never really understood.Ó ÒYou do now.Ó ÒYeah.Ó Josh sighed quietly and held the bundle closer to him. ÒYeah, I do.Ó Jed noticed JoshÕs eyes fogging over. Memories, he guessed, were coming to the surface. Kidnappings, shootings, explosions, speeches, forgotten bills that were never passed, parents who died on primary night and a sister who never lived to see what her brother became. Jed looked at the ground for a moment and then focused back on Josh. Josh, who was a father now. The thought still boggled the mind.  
ÒDonÕt think about the past, Josh. Think about the future. You know a lot more then how youÕd react in the worst case scenario because your holding the best case scenario in your arms right now. Everything it took for you and Donna to get here now... thatÕs all behind you. HeÕs whatÕs ahead of you.Ó Josh smiled. He didnÕt smirk or grin but genuinely smiled deeply. ÒI just... hope he has an easier time than I did. Then again, right now, I think my life is pretty perfect.Ó He said the last part in a whisper, as if daring the gods to prove him untrue.  
Jed sat down in the chair by the window. His leg had begun to bother him a bit. ÒLife doesnÕt get any better than the day theyÕre born. Although, being president was pretty nice, too.Ó ÒBetter than having children?Ó Josh looked up at the former leader of the free world.  
ÒNo.Ó Abbey Bartlet had been standing at the door for a few moments, but it was just then that Jed saw his wife. His wife, who was looking at Donna, probably remembering those three perfect days, all more then twenty years ago now. Dr. Bartlet walked in softly. ÒLet me see him, Josh.Ó Josh looked like he definitely did not want to give the baby up. Ah, Jed thought, the pain heÕd go through in about eighteen years. Actually, throughout the next eighteen years and beyond. He wanted to reassure the younger man that it was a good kind of pain, but he refrained. He knew Josh could only take so much ex-president advice in one sitting, especially after no sleep.  
Abbey held her hands up. ÒIÕll just look, Josh. I donÕt need to hold him... yet.Ó She peered over JoshÕs shoulder. ÒHe is adorable, Josh. Absolutely adorable.Ó From the bed behind Abbey, someone moaned. ÒIÕll have the budget report in ten minutes, Josh.Ó Josh grinned. ÒThey gave her the good drugs.Ó ÒIt sounds like sheÕs having a dream about being your assistant again. I donÕt think those drugs were that good,Ó Abbey replied.  
ÒDr. B, I didnÕt know you were sitting in on the budget negotiations.Ó Jed stood himself up and walked over to the foot of DonnaÕs bed. He gently shook one bunny slipper. ÒDonnatella.Ó ÒMr. President, I didnÕt know you were in this movie.Ó ÒDonnatella,Ó Jed tried again.  
She snapped her eyes open and, much like Josh before, gulped in surprise. ÒMr. President!Ó She tried to maneuver herself to stand, but the pain quickly stopped her and she winced. ÒStay in bed, Donna.Ó Jed chuckled. ÒYou just gave birth.Ó ÒOw,Ó Donna winced again. Her husband quickly was at her side, holding their son. Jed turned to his own wife. ÒAbigail, letÕs give this new family some privacy and give Donna time to wake up a bit.Ó ÒLeo should be showing up soon,Ó Josh was handing the baby over to Donna, laying himself down next to her. ÒC.J.Õll be by in the afternoon.Ó He yawned again. ÒMy mom and DonnaÕs parents should be here tomorrow.Ó Donna was too engrossed in the baby to notice the former first couple.  
ÒWeÕll just go down to the dining hall for a cup of coffee,Ó Abbey stated. She knew her husband well. ÒMaybe when Leo gets here, he and Jethro can fight over who gets to be honorary grandfather.Ó ÒThey both are,Ó Donna said quietly, smiling broadly at her son.  
ÒCan we get the two of you anything? Water? Coffee? More drugs?Ó Jed asked.  
Josh smiled, but his eyes were closed. The man had never been more at peace, Jed noted. ÒSir, if you could get me a cup of coffee, that would be great. I donÕt want to sleep through this day.Ó ÒAbsolutely, Josh.Ó Jed and Abbey left the room. 


	9. Spiderman Action Figure

Title: Spiderman Action Figure

Author: coffeeplease

Rating: PG

Category: General, AU

Spoiler Info: Everything up to A Good Day is game, although I think there's not a spoiler to be seen.

Disclaimer: WB, NBC, John Wells, Aaron Sorkin... owners. I just lease and try not to stain the carpet. Lawsuits don't look good on me.

E-mail address for feedback: permission: Sure, just tell me first

Notes: This is the same universe as "Grocery Store", "Race Car" et al. A big, big leap into the future.

"Daddy!"

Josh had just gotten to sleep. More accurately, he had just shut one eye and then the other and had thrown an arm loosely around his wife's waist. Some nights that was as close to sleep as he got; other nights he was comatose as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

He sat up on the second yell. Beside him, Donna stirred awake as well. She sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. "Do you want to get that or should I?"

"He yelled for me first." Josh climbed out of bed, slightly chilled in just his boxer shorts. Donna flopped back down on the pillows, quickly falling back asleep. She was exhausted recently, and not without good reason. They hadn't realized that children would require hours far more strenuous than the White House. They had both ignored the advice of many well-meaning politician parents, like Toby and Andi, who warned them. They had laughed that it couldn't be any more exhausting then twenty-hour days during MS hearings.

They had been so wrong. Joyously wrong, happily wrong, but wrong nonetheless.

Josh padded quietly through the house until he came to his son's room. The light was on and the door was ajar. He pushed it open and saw Noah sitting in the middle of the floor with his Bristle Blocks and Spiderman action figure. A Spiderman action figure missing one arm, it looked like.

"He was jumping off the building and his arm fell off," Noah explained tearily.

"Buddy, its past your bedtime." Josh folded his arms and tried not to fall asleep still standing.

"But Daddy, you have to fix Spiderman. You have to!" Noah's voice wobbled and definitely rose a few decibels at the end.

"Shhh.. you'll wake up Mommy and Claudia."

At the mention of his sister, Noah scowled. He had been doing that a lot recently, scowling like his father and pouting like his mother. Usually whenever someone held Claudia, cooed over Claudia or mentioned Claudia. Josh didn't need any parenting book to tell him what was going on, but he didn't think he had the energy to fix sibling rivalry at twelve-thirty at night.

"Put his arm back together, Daddy!" Noah began to bang the tiny arm back into the socket, tears falling out of his eyes.

"Noah Josiah.." Josh began sternly, only to be interrupted by the sound of Claudia's cries from the next room. He listened for a moment. Hunger, definitely hunger. He could also hear Donna get up from bed, the floorboards creaking as she went to tend to their daughter.

He stifled many curses. "I'll fix his arm, but you've got to get back in bed."

"I'm not tired."

Josh groaned inwardly. Maybe it was time to ax Noah's afternoon nap, seeing that this was the fourth night in a row he had been up past nine. "Get in bed and I'll fix Spiderman's arm." Didn't he have about ten Spiderman action figures?

Noah pondered this for a moment, sniffled and then stood up and climbed into his big boy bed. Josh sat down on the bed and Noah handed him the broken toy. Quickly, Josh popped the plastic arm back into the socket. "See, good as new. He'll be able to jump off all kinds of tall buildings tomorrow."

He gave his son a quick kiss to the forehead and reached to turn off the teddy bear lamp on the night stand.

"Daddy, don't turn it off."

"Noah, you won't be able to sleep if the light's on."

"Not tired."

Of course not. Josh ran through his options in his head. He was supposed to be firm on bedtimes and Noah's bedtime was about five hours ago. Noah had been asleep at nine; Donna had checked on both the kids. "How long have you been awake, buddy?"

"I dunno. I opened the door and it was all dark in our house."

About twenty minutes, just enough time so he was wide awake now. Josh couldn't say the same. His eyelids felt heavier and heavier.

"The dark's scary."

Josh's eyes snapped open. "There's nothing to be scared of, Noah. Everything's just the same as it is during the day, its just dark."

"I don't like it."

"I understand, buddy." Josh began to slowly rub Noah's back, trying to get him to nod off. "But you have your night light..." A Spiderman night light, naturally. "... and Mommy and I are just down the hall."

"Can I sleep with you and Mommy tonight?"

Josh sighed inwardly. Saying yes would mean an easy night: Noah would climb in between him and Donna and fall immediately asleep. However, he knew Noah would easily take ten miles from the inch given to him. He was in that stage. He would demand to sleep with Josh and Donna every night or he wouldn't fall asleep. It was like negotiating with the toughest, most conservative Republican senator. Except senators usually weren't wearing Spiderman pajamas.

"No, kiddo."

"Daddy! I won't be able to sleep!"

Josh felt his temper rising and took two deep breaths and counted to ten. "Noah, that's enough. You're old enough to sleep in your own bed at night. You've already slept with Mommy and I once this week. It's almost one in the morning. Go to sleep!" Josh stood up.

"Daddy! Don't go yet, please!" Noah gave a Donna-worthy pout and his brown eyes were crying, yet again. Josh began to get the feeling, judging from the amount of tears, that Noah wasn't just overtired and cranky. He immediately felt guilty for speaking harshly. "Buddy, what is it?"

Sniffle. "Just don't." Sob. "Want you." Big sniffle. "To go."

"What's wrong, Noah?" Josh sat back down on the bed and took his son into his arms.

Noah buried his face into Josh's neck, something he hadn't done much since he was two. Gently, Josh rocked to and fro, rubbing Noah's back, listening to him cry. He was also listening to the soft creaks of the rocking chair in the next room, where Donna was probably nursing Claudia Joan. "What's the matter, baby?"

Pulling away, Noah scrunched up his face to his father. "You love Claudia more than you love me."

Now Josh felt tears spring to his eyes. Damn it. It was inevitable, though. He and Donna had known it was coming. From the day they brought Claudia home, Noah had been that much more irritable. Leo had told them that Noah had called her "that dumb baby" during the welcome home party. For awhile, he had taken to regression, sucking his thumb again, trying to steal back all the baby toys that had been handed down to his younger sister. They had done everything the books had suggested. Tried to include Noah in taking care of the baby. Blocked out time everyday for just the three of them.

But Noah had said the words and Josh felt tinges of failure. He knew he shouldn't and that this would take care of himself, with enough time and love. Right now, though, he couldn't help that his son's accusation was breaking his heart.

A thought crossed his mind: had Joanie said the same about him?

"Oh, Noah, that's not true at all. Not at all. Mommy and I love you very, very, very much."

"More than Claudia?" Noah sniffled.

He kissed his son's forehead. "We love you and Claudia exactly the same amount."

"But its not fair! I was here first."

Josh sighed deeply. "I know its hard. It was just you, me and Mommy and now there's another person. But don't ever think that Mommy and I love Claudia more or that we don't have time for you now."

"It feels like you don't."

"Well, I do." Josh stated firmly. "And you know what, Noah?"

"What?"

"Someday," Josh smoothed out the craziness that was his son's hair and laid him back on the bed. "Someday, I think you're going to like having a sister."

"I will?"

"Maybe not anytime soon." Josh gave his son a grin. "But someday you will. Trust me on this, buddy."

"I don't think so." Noah yawned. His eyes drooped, much like his father's had earlier. Josh's grin grew wider. He would sleep, finally. Tomorrow, Josh and Donna could talk about what to do to make Noah feel better, but tonight he would sleep.

"Night, buddy. Love you." He kissed his son again and turned off the lamp. Noah's breathing had evened out.

He turned around to see Donna at the door. She smiled at him in the darkness, then turned and walked towards their bedroom. Josh left Noah's door ajar and followed her down the hall.

"She was hungry?"

"Hungry and starting to teeth." Donna flopped back in bed as soon as they reached their room. She pulled off the sweater she was wearing and threw it to the floor. She used to be the neat one, Josh thought ruefully. He climbed into bed and she scooted closer to him. They relaxed into each other's arms.

"Tomorrow, you and I need to have a conversation about our eldest child," Josh said sleepily.

"Mmm," Donna hummed and nuzzled Josh's shoulder. "We should probably stop nap time."

"Well, that and..." Josh rubbed his foot with hers, playing a bit of light footsie at one in the morning. He felt like he was about to pass out. "He said that we loved Claudia more than him."

"Oh, jeez," Donna hugged her husband harder. "Well, we'll talk to him tomorrow."

"He might just be playing us for another Spiderman action figure."

"He has thirty of them..." Donna's voice trailed off as he feel asleep.

Josh was already asleep. Neither of them woke up until twenty minutes later, when Noah crawled in between them.


End file.
